Thirsting.....Aching Part II

I'm not exactly sure what direction this post of mine is going to go, but what I do know is I want to be honest, and in the midst of this honesty, hopefully be able to bring some peace to those souls who might be struggling, hurting or just not feeling anything right now. I wish you all a very good day! I hope that today, if it has found you sadness, that after spending time here you find happiness. If it was a day of utter chaos, that after reading this post, you find a bit more peace.... Peace. Something so beautiful when experienced...something so precious that nothing I could buy could ever hold a candle to possessing this. Peace. I have to say...for quite sometime now, I have found my soul not at peace, but rather, wretched with an intense war. I have aches and pains that go extremely deep from this war. I'm not sure how it happened, or when it happened. But this past yr has been one of the most difficult yrs to-date. Now, there have been other months a few years back that could be found similar to this past yr., but this past year has been a dark time for me, BUT as those months of darkness and struggle ended, so I know that this time of chaos in my life, too, will end. I know this because God's faithfulness to provide me a peace after those months prevailed and I know I can live with a hope that the darkness of this past year will in time pass. With the help of family, friends and my boyfriend, I know that I will be able to get through this time:) Thank the LORD for a support system!!! Peace. Where can true peace be found? Where can I find this priceless gem in this dark life-cavern right now? If I look high and low, what or who could this peace be found? Well, I know peace can be found in the One who once took that which was chaos and made order out of it. As it says in Genesis 1, God took that which was a formless void (talk about chaos!) and created order, adding to it the sun for day and the moon for night....the birds for the sky and the sea creatures for the sea. He also formed from dust man, and took rib from the man and formed woman. Yes, God is a God who can take the most destructive and chaotic of natures and make it into being a nature of structure and of peace. He has even taken my chaotic nature of desiring sin and made it into the most beautiful nature of desiring peace. Peace. While life circumstances will change and our feelings about these circumstances will change as well, God is there to offer us structure and a constant peace in the midst of change. Constant peace in the midst of turmoil, of heartache, of sickness and pain. A God who stepped out of His structured order, peace and angel worship into our chaos, mess and despise towards him. Yes, in this act of "stepping out of/into", God made himself Incarnate; He put on flesh. He became "Emmanuel: God with us" as the man known as Jesus. Jesus. Just saying his name brings a peace to my aching soul. A soul that sometimes daily spits on my inheritance of peace I have in Him. A soul who, at times, would rather delight in crippling sin than freeing beauty. Ugh. So many times, I know what is right, yet I don't do it!!!! (Romans 7:16). Yet, I have to remind myself each day that Jesus- offers us a fresh start, a freeing beauty free from sin. We are now in the season that celebrates this Jesus, this man who was prophesied to be the "Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6). How fortunate are we as humanity, to be given such a gift as this Jesus who is peace? How fortunate are we as humanity, to have a means of freedom from crippling and chaotic sin? I'd say, in short, we are very, extremely, drastically fortunate! But like any gift, we must be willing to receive, to take to ourselves the gift. December is a beautiful time to help us remember that during the darkest times of our lives and the most chaotic and pain-staking times of our lives, we are able to have a peace. That in our most darkest of days, the God of lights (James 1) has stepped out of his glorious heaven into our dark world as Jesus, who said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (Jn 8:12). If you are going through a dark time, an aching time in your life, my prayer for your is that you turn to Jesus, the "Prince of Peace," and "Light of the world." Believe me, these past few days, (to my surprise) he was the last person I wanted to turn to, but yesterday...reluctantly...I did. And when I did, I found a peace and a light that soon blanketed my soul. Whoever you are, I am praying for you today. I'm praying that the Light of the world step into your world and offer Himself to you; he who is "the Prince of Peace," and "the Light of the world". I pray that you encounter the God who can take the most chaotic of natures and create a nature of utter structure and peace. Yes, sweet peace.

Thirsting...Aching Part I

Where to begin my friends, where to begin. It's been an incredibly busy month, so forgive me for not writing a post for as long as I have. There is much on my heart as I type this blog this morning. So much...it's been difficult to shift out the things I want to share and the things that I will save for a later blog post, the Part II of this post...So, let's start with what I've been experiencing these past few weeks, especially these past couple days. Desire. An increase of desires for something more has been welling up within my soul. I have found that if these desires are misplaced, they can do great damage to me and also those surrounding me because desires, if not harnessed properly, can become selfish and selfishness can cause destruction in any and all relationships in our lives. It's funny, I was watching this T.V. show the other night and the main character is struggling to harness her ever-powerful desires which have increased due to her nature now being changed. When she does not channel these desires properly, destruction is the wake the she leaves in the lives of those surrounding her, especially her life. For if she plays into these desires, the aftermath of guilt from her acting on her desires and the pain from that guilt linger. I feel like I identified with this character immensely because like her, God has created within me these incredibly strong desires to seek out adventure, to experience passion, to experience life with another at 100%, to experience beauty, to embrace all that life has to offer and not miss out on one good thing. These desires of mine run very deep and they are very strong and have only increased with age. All this to say, while these desires are good, I have as of late had to remind myself that these desires have been created in me not for my own good, but for the work of God's good throughout this world. Now, with all of that in place, I want to now direct you toward an import one of the desires mentioned above, which is experiencing life with another 100%. Since I can't remember when, I have for a long time desired to meet and know whoever God would have for me as my companion in life. Some people dream of being a teacher or Dr. or traveling,etc. Well, my dream has been companionship; that life-long bond with another human whose life I will be able to witness and walk alongside and vice-versa. While this is an admirable and fantastic desire (to live this life serving another entirely), this is also a desire that if not harnessed, can bring about destruction in the lives of others. First, it can cause me to be tunnel visioned; for why not use this desire for one to be a desire for many? Second, man should never be the object of my desire; rather shouldn't it be Jesus, the ONLY one who has rightfully gained being the Object of my desire through the giving of his life? Truly, if anyone has earned the right to being the Object of my desire, it should be Jesus. So, thinking through all of this this past week, I came to the realization that I have unfortunately not been harnessing this desire for companionship, thereby causing some turmoil in my life and the life of another. I began to ponder the next steps towards correcting my fault and directing my desire from being destructive to productive. It took me sitting and being still before the Lord to realize that for sometime now, I have been frustrated and angry with Him for not fulfilling this desire of companionship with another. This frustration and anger has only caused me to grow stagnant and to not go a route that would actually allow me the companionship I so long for. Companionship with Jesus. He, honestly, is the perfect companion (besides the fact sometimes that he is not in the flesh...but we will save that for Part II). And here's the deal, I know that deep down, deeeeep down, companionship with man will never satisfy. NEVER. Even if God were to give me the companionship I so desperately desire, there will be days that because my companion will still be human and he will still not be able to fulfill me. Why? BECAUSE MAN IS NOT GOD. Humans are an "earthly well", if you will. The things of this world are an earthly well that do not hold Living water who quenches ALL thirst. Jesus, however, is the "eternal well" that holds Living water that will quench my desire's thirst! Man, how long have I been thirsty and been going to and just standing for days before an empty well? Yep! My unharnessed desires have lead me to an empty well. So now, with all of my efforts, I am changing the course of my journey towards the Well that never dries up: Jesus. This, believe me, is going to be a struggle because the flesh causes me to be weak and to stumble and to want to turn back to the empty well that is truly only a mirage put in place by Satan to keep me from the course that would find me being filled. Remember, Satan wants destruction to plague our lives and he will put the most beautiful of objects before us to distract us from the Truth. So, I am fully aware that in this journey towards Him, I am going to have to experience sometimes drought and the "earthly" mirages of life will be there to distract me. I will have to be so ALERT of these mirages and will have to harness my desires to aid me in pushing me towards the Well that holds the water that quenches. Earthly wells/or the things of this world will never quench..they will always leave you thirsty, because in the beginning, we were created to desire the eternal/the unfading. So, what are the "empty wells" in your life? Love? Money? Career pursuits?Etc.? What are the objects of your desires that are causing your soul's throat to be so dry that it hurts? Or, have you allowed life to keep you so busy that you don't even feel the dryness? Change the route of your journey; allow your feet to go the direction of the well that holds eternal Living water. Strain towards it, even if your feet are bleeding from the journey. Jesus says in John 4:13, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

"A hard, deep call to obedience."

This title, as I read it, my soul both rejoiced and also quaked. So much is wrapped up within that one sentence. If I am to be honest, there is some unease I find creeping into my heart when I read the above sentence, yet in the same instance, there is so much joy and peace found within it too. For obedience can be both hard, but in the same breath, it can bring so much joy and peace to one's soul. The title of my post today comes from a book that my good gal friend gave to me. It is a book composed of beautiful prayers by Old Testament professor, Walter Brueggemann. The book is titled, " Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth." I want to share the poem I encountered today with all of you. Here it is: "You are the God who makes extravagant promises. We relish your great promises of fidelity, and presence and solidarity, and we exude in them. Only to find out, always too late, that your promise always comes in the midst of a hard, deep call to obedience. You are the God who calls people like us, and the long list of mothers and fathers before us, who trusted the promise enough to keep the call. So we give you thanks that you are a calling God, who calls always to dangerous new places. We pray enough of your grace and mercy among us that we may be among those who believe your promises enough to respond to your call. We pray in the one who embodied your promise and enacted your call, even Jesus. Amen" (pg 90). This prayer, oh this prayer so spoke to my heart this morning. Sometimes, God's call to obedience is SO difficult, so painful, so heart wrenching....but I want to be the person he knows will respond to his call, regardless of the loss I might endure. There are two verses that came to mind as I read this poem. They come from Matthew 10:37-38 and Luke 9:23-25. Here they are: Matthew passage: 37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." Luke passage: 23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?" Obedience to the Lord and what he might be calling his people into may very well look like giving up the love of money, job, desires, loved ones, comforts, ect. Is this easy, of course not. Denying oneself and bearing their cross is a death sentence....but as Jesus said, "whoever wants to save their life (keep those things that do not align with obeying God and his call) will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. "And by losing your life, you gain yourself because it is in Christ and doing his will that we finally encounter who we truly are! We gain more than this fading world could ever offer. We gain eternal life, peace, joy...the very things this world will never be able to offer us. But we must choose. We cannot have our cake and eat it too. Either we choose to step into a hard, deep call to obedience and reap the unfading riches the presence of God gives us, or we chose comforts, desire for more money, jobs, self, etc (whatever is getting in the way of drawing close to God) and reap the never satisfying, ever fading things of this world. I know I have some decisions to make, and I can only pray for the courage and strength to embrace this hard, deep call to obedience my Father is leading me into. Be encouraged that God is always for you. He wants to shower you with his love and peace and joy and can only do this if you agree to be found obeying him. Believe me, I am saying this as much to myself as to you. To end, I wanted to share this link with you. I woke up thinking about this song. Because of His love, I with all my heart want to obey and following this God who so dearly loves us and wants His eternal perfect good for us! So, will you be a person who responds to his calling? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FxaUYjRtkc. Have an incredible day my people:)

Suffering produces perseverance....

Hello my fabulous community of amazing people! I hope this post finds each of you doing very very well. I'm sorry I've been absent these past few days. God has been doing quite a work on my heart and it is finally today that I am able to be able to comprehend what he is doing well enough to now be able to express to all of you what exactly it is. So, these past few days, I would say that the Lord has been working out those things which have hindered my witness to others and it has actually been something that has been present in my life for golly, years? What this was, was having more dependence on people or the things of this world over that of my God. How and why would I ever allow myself to do such a thing? Happens. Through becoming busy or letting time in the Word slide by the wayside, happens. For quite some time now, God has constantly been teaching me this lesson: Renewal of the mind. Renewal of the mind. Oh, did I mention.....renewal of the mind? But first, before diving into this, I want to talk about how these past weeks have been excruciatingly painful to the core of my very being. And I am not being dramatic. Some extremely tough life lessons have been presented to me and wow. So, let's chat about the header for this post, "Suffering produces perseverance..." This passage can be found in Romans 5:3-5. Here it is in full: " Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Incredible. Suffering that is done in us and around is....we have hope that this WILL RESOLVE always with God's love which is the absolutely most beautiful thing in this life. It is. Look these passages up if you don't believe me. Romans 5:8; Romans 8:37-39 ; Jn 3:16; 1 John 4:9-12. Just cut and copy these into Google browser and take a looksy...Go on now...then come back to finish this post. Welcome back. God's love. Pretty sweet huh? I'd say so! Now back to suffering. Suffering might look different for everyone...but lately for me...I would say that suffering comes due to my lack of transforming my mind. Negative thought patterns being allowed to take root. Our thought life will determine our actions. And depending on what thought patterns take root...your actions could be pretty poor. In Romans 8, Paul lays out an incredible equation about this. Let me share it with you: a. Mind on the flesh=life according to the flesh which will result in being made captive to the things of this world and therefore we will not be walking in the freedom that God desires each of us to walk in...a freedom characterized by unremarkable peace because we are one with a holy God. Now, b. Mind on the Spirit=life according to the Spirit which will result in being alive and at peace. We please God when we set our minds on the Spirit, who is the very element of that which is life. Life that Created the Heavens and the Earth (Gen 1) and life that was able to raise Jesus FROM DEATH into LIFE! (Romans 8:11). So, I have to beg myself the question: What am I going to determine of myself to do with my thought life? Do I want to be held captive or do I want to be free? Hmmm....shouldn't be too difficult to decide what I want...but when the rubber meets the road, folks, its easy to choose captive. BUT, this does not have to end here. Instead, what I have now set my mind to doing is to will my mind to strain towards allowing my mind to be upon the Spirit than that of the flesh. Difficult. You bet. My natural tendencies as a human being are to be negative, selfish, fearful, lustful, immoral and you name it...and I want to do that naturally all the time. BUT, because I have chosen Christ as my Savior and to live like Him, I have now the "power option" as I like to call it, to choose freedom by putting to death my "natural" tendencies, so that I might become alive in Him and in the Spirit, and therefore be an incredible witness to others! To be able to pour into their life as if Christ himself where here to pour into their lives. I want nothing more. I desire no great destiny than this. It takes focus. It takes strain and it feels very much as though I am suffering....and I am because I am having to kill, murder, put to death, choke out (you get the picture) those things that feel as natural as an arm or my heart! But again, because I choose Jesus over that of my own desires, I will suffer and know that this suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope.... Beloved, if you are going through a rough time, know that if you stand on his promises that in the suffering he is near, know that you will get through this. For in Christ, we do not have a God who can not sympathize with our suffering, rather we have a God who stepped down from his glorious thrown room into our broken world. We have a God who died a criminal's death so that we might be able to know that he understands what we are going through in this world when we struggle. And there is hope in this God, for he promises that at the end of it all, He will bring us close to him for eternity...free of suffering and alive in Him.

Love in the Midst of Margin

Goodevening everyone! I hope this blog post finds you all ready for the weekend. I know that towards the end of the week (if you don't work retail, or are a Dr...or any other profession that causes to you work on the weekends), one may find that they are utterly ready for Saturday to come like its Christmas or your Birthday! So, welcome to Friday night! This week has proven to be an incredibly incredible week. Yes. Incredibly incredible. How so? Well, God has opened the doors to finding housing for the next 6 mos. Literally last week, I gave the entire thing up to him and in a matter of hours, he solved a roommate need and then just a couple days ago, he solved the housing need. So, in October, I will be a happy woman, relishing in the midst of a more spacious, brighter and a restorative living space. I am also rooming with a gal I graduated Seminary with (we Seminarians tend to be odd ducks) AND she is going to be the worship leader at a church. Talk about instant community with the Body. I. AM. PUMPED...and oh so ready to dive into deep conversations, late night sing a-longs praising the Great I Am.....seriously. Bring on Oct!! I truly, honestly, am fully anticipating with great joy the next steps God has for me in this move. God. Is. Good. And he does provide when we ALLOW him the space. So, that is a praise. I guess another praise would be that my view on love has grown this past week too. I mean, its constantly growing and changing and developing and gah-Love. It is active!!! But yes, my love towards God and love towards others-its being polished. Which brings me to two nouns found above: Love and Margin. I think we all have an good idea as to what love is....because when I mention it, I don't get any questions on what this is. Now, when I mention margin...the questions come. So, let me focus on margin first and then explain what I mean by "love in the midst of margin." In short, margin is that entity that exists due to the fact that we are bound by 1. time and 2. our humanity. We are allotted so much time in a day and also, remember, we are humans. We therefore, have x amount of activities that are able to fit into x amount of hrs. To try to live outside of margin is not the most healthy of choices. Because without margin, before you know it, you are trying as a mortal to fit 46 hrs of activities into a 24hr time span. Essentially my human friend, you as a mortal are trying to be Immortal. This cannot happen because, again, We...are...mortal. Not gonna change on this side of glory. Leave the Immortal of fitting in 1k things in the span of 1 min to God. Job filled. Case closed. Nuf said. Ok, so, creating margin is essentially saying no to somethings because you have already said yes to others. That simple. W/out margin, you're gonna go crazy. Plain and simple. Now, I want to now point out the love in the midst of this discussed "margin". Love is best known as this, "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters." (1 Jn 3:16). Jesus gave up his life for us. To me, this is a perfect example of "love is not self-seeking." (1 Cor 13:5) Clearly, Jesus giving up his life would edify that he was not self-seeking. I mean...if you need to think about that for a bit, go for it..but yea...he gave up his life for YOU. And he was God too..who was perfect and could have said, "Nope. These people don't give two cahoots about me. I'm not dying for them!!!" But no, he walked the road of shame, then got nailed to a cross to die a death I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Yep. That's Jesus for ya! Love, love, love! Ok, now that we have all the pieces together, let me tell you what I have been learning about love in the midst of margin. There is someone I love very much who I have found gives pretty much their all to everyone around them. In addition to this, they are also striving to seek and find an opportunity in which they are able to use their God-given talents to help others. Constantly on the move, barely getting enough time to sleep some nights! This person, needless to say, has so much going on that there are times that margin is on the brink of being tossed out the window. And because this is a reality, and because I also love this person and do not want to be seeking what I want, there have been times in the past and also this past week where I have to be mindful of creating margin for this person because I know it is what is best for this person. And it is me loving this person, because if I were to pull at this person and also demand attention from them, it is highly likely that my pull could be the very tug that causes them to break. All because it was what I (!) wanted and what I (!) needed. But again, love does not demand its own way....Love creates a space where the other can thrive. Love is pursuing the needs of the other outside of the needs of self. Easy in theory...but my oh my try it in practice. Its hard. Its gut wrenching. There have been many times this past week where I have cried myself to sleep because I've wanted so badly to have my own way. But again, that is not love. And if tears bring me closer to embracing and better understanding this love that is spoken of in 1 Jn 3:16, then bring the tears. If the feelings of frustration and feelings of impatience eventually give way to peace and patience because of the discipline of actively loving another, then bring on the frustration and feelings of impatience. I'll be honest, its not easy...but the fruit that it will bring in my life in the days, weeks, months and years to come!! Oh the fruit of love...and being able to embrace more fully this love that Jesus has for all of us-this Divine love...I want the struggle now. As difficult and heart wrenching as it is, I'll take the struggle, because I know of the fruit that my Jesus promises me. Yes. I choose Love in the Midst of Margin. So, I ask these questions: Is there anyone in your life that you could love moreso by creating margin for them? Or helping them to create margin for themselves? Is there anything that you can do today that is sacrificing your own needs to mak better another's life? I promise you friend, when you do, you are so close to understanding the heart of the One who died for you. The One who gave his all so that you might know His Divine and Perfect Love. Step into the role of love by loving and helping another to gain margin, to then have them maybe understand and feel the presence of the Divine Lover, Jesus.

Would I be like Job?

Goodmorning all you fine people. I am excited to share what has been going on in my life these past few days. Soo, without further adeu... I want to first point out that just yesterday, I was lead to read Job. And...with saying that, I'm going to lead us down a necessary rabbit hole for those of you who might not quite understand what I mean by "lead". Now, when I say lead, I'm want to be honest and tell you that I'm truly not quite sure how this all works. I know that it's not a "ooga booga" type thing where I felt this amazing feeling by Holy Spirit to open up the pages of the Bible and go to straight to Job (or any other passage in the Bible for that matter); rather, being lead feels like eh more or less, me thinking about what I've gone through in my life and then thinking about those persons in the Bible who God has purposefully placed in the Bible to teach me about Him or Him through their lives. The Spirit, I believe, works in my devotional life this way. When Holy Spirit wants to teach, he makes me use the brain that he gave me to observe the life that he continues to sustain me with, and then leads me to those passages he finds will bring about the most goodness in my life. So....that is what I mean by lead me to read Job. Good? OK, outta the rabbit hole and back on track... So, yesterday, I was reading Job and the verse that stuck out to me were these: "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity although you incited me to against him to destroy him without reason." Job 2:3. So much in here. Essentially, Satan has at this point in Job's life, caused him great havoc. Feel free to read Job 1. Its awful what happens to this man. If I ever have a bad day, honestly, I should just open up to Job and read! But in summary, Satan has taken Job's livelihood, Job's children---yet through it all, Job does not curse God. Nice. Eat that Satan!!! Ahem. But because Satan thinks that God is incorrect about Job and thinks he weak in his faith like many other humans, Satan thinks God is a liar and that Job will indeed curse God. But with confidence, God knows Job's heart (as he does all of our hearts) and states that he is "his servant....none like him....blameless...upright man...fears God...turns from evil..still holds fast to his integrity..." Amazing. As I look at all these attributes that God states of Job, I am forced to examine my own life in light of Job. If Satan were to go to God and ask for my life...what would God say in response to me? Would he say that I am blameless or that I turn from evil or fear the Lord? Especially fear the Lord (!)....that is one attribute that really stuck out to me. I was lead to think more on this "fear of the Lord" and recalled Proverbs 2:1-5 which is a passage that talks about what the fear of the Lord looks like. Here it is: "Receiving His words and treasuring them up...making my ear attentive to wisdom(which means inclining my ear to God's commands or His words found in the Bible), inclining my heart to understanding (studying the Bible. Like study y'all. Putting it to memory)...calling out for insight (asking what God's opinion about a certain matter is vs. making a rash decision all my own)..." with a reckless abandonment in search for the understanding of who God is and who he has revealed to us about him in his Word. Fear of the Lord is such....and am I doing such with my life? Do I savor his word so that I understand what I need to do to be blameless...have integrity and to be His servant? Honestly, in of myself, I fall short of attaining all of these attributes. As it says in Romans 3:23, "For all have fallen short of the glory of God." All of us are full of blame, lose our integrity in the midst of adversity and sometimes even allow our eyes to fall on evil. But this my friends is not our end! There is One we get to look to, again, for our blamelessness and integrity if we chose. It is Jesus. And when Satan comes to incite for our soul, there is our Savior standing there speaking for us. "No Satan. You cannot incite against this one...for they are mine and as my Father claimed over Job, this one is 'blameless...upright...fears God...turns from evil..still holds fast to his integrity'; because of my work on the cross, you have no power here. Be gone." So...lots to ponder. Lots to work on in my own life so that I can all the more not only reflect my brother Job's character in the midst of adversity...but to continue to strive to daily grow more and more into the likeness of my Savior, Jesus, who daily speaks on our behalf. Be blessed. Strive to be more and more "blameless....upright...fearing the Lord...turning from evil...and in the midst of adversity, clinging to integrity."

Hurt within the Harvest

Hello to all of you beautiful and handsome people reading my blog (it's nice to get compliments right off the bat isn't it?) I hope that each of you reading this post today is filled with joy, happiness, peace, good will towards men-ya know, all the good stuff. And if you come to this blog with feelings far from the previous mentioned, know that I understand that today might not be a day you feel happy, but a day of great sorrow or frustration or hurt...however you are, know that you are being thought of by me right now--and I'm praying for joy to wash over you! So, today's subject, Hurt within the Harvest, it describes much of what my week has been since my last post. Hurt within the Harvest, when you think about it-is somewhat of an oxymoron. How can hurt or any pain produce anything that is good such as Harvest? Well, I guess it all comes down to once again perspective and hence some mind work. This past week, I have been flooded by the Lord with promises about how even though my life some days may be bleak, that he promises to use those bleak moments for his good purposes (Psalms 138:8), that my pain and hurt will not be in vain but will allow me victory because of the work HE is doing through me (Romans 8:28). Amen. God works overtime to produce and bring about his good purposes in my life and yours. I want to talk more about this notion of bleak days or those days that harbor much hurt and pain. As humans, because sin has entered into the world through our choice to disobey what God was telling us to not do so that we might not experience this sin (Genesis 2-3), we are now stuck with those days that house certain decisions that cause our spirits and hearts to be greatly wounded. Sometimes those decisions are hidden, and sometimes they are found in plain view of all to see. Either way, seen or not seen, the decisions we make affect us sometimes for days, weeks, months or years---but friends, this is not the end of our story! Tarry with me here: Because sin has entered the world, there created was this power over us that causes us to be less than what God intended us to be. It causes us to be stuck or feel ill about ourselves or burdened or cause us to not love our fellow man. But(!) because God did not create us to experience sin, He came decided to come to this earth as man (Jesus Christ) to die on the cross for humanity, so that sin might not longer have power over us within this world. Sin is no longer the only option or the only "power" over us humans. No no no there is a different "power-option" now--and that is one of freedom; because on the cross, Jesus bore all of humanity's sin once and for all and IF we choose to take him as our Savior, our sins have been taken upon his shoulders on the cross. NO LONGER do we have to live with them, but instead we get to give them to the Savior who "knew no sin and then became sin for the sake of us gaining HIS righteousness (his sin-less state of being) "(2 Cor. 5:21). How sweet is that? But folks, at the end of the day, it is up to us to run to this amazing Savior to give him our sins so that we might not bear them anymore. All this to say, because we still live in a fallen world, sin still will exist. And there are still going to be days where I sin, but I have the choice daily to take my sin, my pain, my filth and set this at the foot of the cross, where Jesus can bear them on his shoulders (poor guy. The weight of just one sin can be so heavy-can you imagine ALL of humanity's?!? But remember, because he is God and because he is love, he bears our sins willingly) and then I can walk away clean and free of my sin. This event is the Harvest! The event of taking that which is painful, ugly, and hurt to the foot of the cross where my Savior is, to then give him the hurt and pain, and from there be given by him the Harvest (aka HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS). Its a choice. Hurt or Harvest. Weakness or Power. Mire or Magnificence. Though some days it seems as though I am choosing the former of all these, I tell myself that I must strive for the latter of these. So, how am I today, Well, today, my spirit is dealing with certain wounds caused by decisions I've made and decisions that have been somewhat made for me. But today, I have a choice-I can do something with this hurt....yes...this hurt is so heavy, but wait, up ahead, there it is... the cross. And at the foot of the cross, there I see him with a gaze of sweet love and compassion, compelling me to come to him with my load. I have yet to move my feet towards him, so that I might enter into his sweet presence. I begin to pick up my feet and move towards him. It's difficult to move though--the weight is heavy and I'm ashamed of the sight I am-filthy, and my clothes are torn. But I press on. Finally, in his presence, I ask him, "Jesus, my Savior, here is my hurt and my pain that I have done to myself and also, hurt that has been done to me by others. I know that you will take this from me because I want what you have promised me----which is your righteousness. Jesus--I'm sorry. Please take these from me." And he answers me, "My sweet Bride, whom I love. Thank you for coming to me-yes, I will take these hurts and these burdens from you at once. I love you and condemn you not. Go and be free to live with my righteousness I desire you to have. Go and love others and also yourself as I have loved you-because now you are free of any hurt caused by others, and also that hurt you caused yourself. Precious daughter, always remember, come to me when you are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. I love you forever." In awe of his mercy and compassion, I hand over all that weighs me--and in an instant after the hand off, my spirit is full of His righteousness. No longer do I bear the weight and I look down to find that he has dressed me in splendor. Yes, " I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." (Isaiah 61:10) This is the Harvest I have now received. And now I will go and tell others about how there, in the midst of hurt, can be a great Harvest! All of you who are hurting, go to the Savior...he is waiting and utterly willing to give to you His righteousness.

Made in His Image

Today was probably the most fulfilling day I have had in a long time. I was blessed beyond reason today by some incredible gal Spirit-filled friends of mine. They blessed me by speaking and anointing me with God's chain-breaking truth. This event is something that has needed to happen for quite sometime. Truth such as, "Start to see who you are in God's image verses trying to see yourself through other's image of who they want you to be." Freeing. "You are so close to being free of walking in the mud. Yes soon, you are going to be reaching beautiful white sands that will caress your hurting feet." The Life Bringing Oasis of God is near. Right now, I know that God has me in the refiner's kiln, getting me prepared to do a great work for His Kingdom. He has for sometime I think, been burning away and pruning off those things that are hindering my work for him and his glory. It hasn't been an easy road. Loved ones and friends close to me have had to all together smell the burning and rotting flesh resulting in this refiner's event. Today, I have been brought to a point where finally, I'm submitting to this refining work. I'm telling God, "Pile in the wood to get the fire blazing. Burn me up so that all is left is you, dear Jesus.Only you. Sharpen up your shears and cut away those pieces of me that are just rotting. Cut me so then I can heal and be made more whole. " He never promises this life to be easy or comfortable. Being made into the image of a pure and holy God, when your sin is dark and tainted, well, let's just say the transformation not going to be easy or comfortable. Never. But he does promise to be with us every step of the way. My rock who I have stepped off of for some time....I'm ready to place my feet back on the firm foundation who is the steadfast God. Who is faithful with his word and everything, everthing that is good and right and pure and honest and strong and amazing. Oh, how my heart leaps for joy when I focus my mind on HIM verses that of the circumstance I may be in. God is doing a new thing. He desires that we seek him, and when we seek him with all our hearts, that we will find him (Jeremiah 29:13) . Oh how I desire to find this tame yet wild King who pursues us daily and delights over us (Zephaniah 3:17). Who is constantly using his time to woo us back to his sweet embrace. This is the King whom I serve. In his presence we are radiant and want for nothing. We are beautiful and perfect, we shine like the stars in the heavens and we are exuding a glory that is not known to this earth. We are his created...and there is one who would desire us to not understand this very truth. One who desire to steal, kill and destroy. One who wants us to be focus on our current circumstances and all the chaos around us so that we do not even think to look up to God, so that we might have freedom in knowing who we are in the Truth. A gal friend of mine drew for me this picture of this woman climbing..and as she was climing, chains were falling from her body. The passage that was written beside this picture was this, "Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength.Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem.Free yourself from the chains on your neck,O captive Daughter of Zion. Isaiah 52:1-2". How long have I allowed chains to bind me? How long have I chosen to listen to the Father of Lies (he who is perpetually 'the defiled') and wear rags of weakness verses clothes of strength and splendor? How long have I chosen to sit in the mire over that of being enthroned beside my King? No longer will I be captive. No longer will I allow Satan's false arrows to penetrate my heart. I am getting up. I am climbing. I am stripping myself of those chains that bind me, and I will stand up and be the anointed daughter God has called me to be. Get ready. God is doing something new and there is going to be more light shining forth as a beacon within the darkness forged by this world. Yes, I am now as Light, for I am embracing my identity of being one who is born again. I'm wide awake and am being set free and being made into His Image. I will end this post by asking you these questions: What are the chains you are allowing to choke you? What lies are you choosing to listen to over that of sweet truth? If you do realize the chains and the lies choking you, what will you do to release yourself from them-? Who sounds better-the Father of Lies who seeks to steal, kill and destroy you or the God of Splendor who delights over you...Who allows you to be dressed in His splendor and strength. It's your choice. What will you choose on this day? The climb will not be easy, but it will be worth it. So come with me, climb beside me and choose to be set free.

What Road Do I Go Down?

Life crossroads can be one of two things: exciting or terrifying, but for me, never both. I'm at a crossroads in life and I think that I am going to choose to see it as exciting. I started looking at Missions Organizations today. Window shopping more or less. And I guess what has fostered this search is the feeling of not really fitting in where I am at with anything or anyone. Its really an extraordinary feeling, not fitting in. Misfit, odd duck, the loan cheese. My boyfriend, God bless him, said to me one day that me being different is who I am and that that is a good thing. So nice. I have much to be thankful with him. So, where do I need to go in order that I feel like I fit in? Maybe that's Ireland, Amsterdam, Uganda, Florida, New York or the church right down the street from my current apartment. Not sure. But what I am sure of is the search for God's bidding in my life and for my life vocation tarries on....Stay tuned.

Back to the Drawing Board

It is incredible how much one can learn about oneself in one day. Just yesterday, I had yet another snafoo happen to me at work. Yet another circumstance that for all too long caused my anxiety to go from 1-8. I was even so bold to question God as to what he was going to be able to do to fix it. (Bold and extremely insulting to Him, no?) Finally, after pacing back and forth for ten mins, I said to myself "Enough!! I am no longer going to look at every circumstance as negative-shoot, I'm not even going to look at the negative circumstances of life as negative but I'm going to find the positive in the negative." So, what did I do? I made a list of all the positives. I did not even think about all the negatives, ONLY the positives. Let me tell you, that right there was life-changing. Some things on my list are as follows, 1. I will not lose my job over this 2. No body was hurt, and no body died (these are always good things to happen when pertaining to my circumstances) 3. Jesus loves me still. 4. I know when to admit I've made a mistake and strive to rectify it. Those were just some of the few (but few is a good number) of positives that resulted in a negative situation. So, I'd encourage you, when negative situation presents itself, get out a piece of paper (any size, color, shape, whatever!) and writing utensil and force yourself to see the positive in it. Doing this is better than Xanax---and non habit forming (well, you might get addicted to seeing the positive which is good) and cheaper! So, feel free to let me know how that goes for you:) Also, I would like to note, that God DID indeed do something about it. Later that morning, my District Manager called to let me know that the situation was not a big deal and that my followup about the mistake was handled beautifully. My God and King, how gracious you are....Forgive me for my insulting spirit. The previous situation, big lesson transforming the mind and allowing God's character to change my perspective. Loving it. That was the first thing. Now I have a second thing! Re-dreaming, reconstructing, thinking about what I want in this life-but most importantly what God has placed in my heart to want. Discerning what that looks like exactly takes time and energy and prayer. All worth it. SO, today I woke up and started thinking about many things, one of which was my future husband, among other things. For those of you who don't know me entirely well, I have dreamed about my future husband since I was 14.Ha granted for the past five yrs, my dreams were more like nightmares. Seriously, I warded off marriage like the plague! But before those yrs, I have read books like, "When God Writes Your Love Story"; "The Bride Wore White"; "The Book of Romance"; all of Karen Kingsbury's Bailey Flanigan stories....I am doused in those ideas of how I want my earthly love story to look like. All the while, I know that I need to continue to allow God mold my love story all the more. So, this morning, I got up and brought to my thoughts was a note I had written back in February on Facebook. I want to share it with you. It has got me thinking about a few things. It got me thinking again about what characteristics I want my husband to possess and for sometime, I have stopped praying for God to fostered these characteristics in him now. I would also like to note that I am praying that these characteristics continued to be fostered within the man I am currently dating, and finally, praying for God to continue to foster these characteristics in my life. Essentially, I've been thinking about God's Will and discerning as to what that might look like in the different facets of my life. I am learning everyday moreso who God has created me to be and strive to fit that into what Christ looks like through who he has created me to be. I know lately, I haven't been too Christ-like and frankly, that makes me quite brokenhearted. I use to be so "on-point" and steady and fixed on all that is Christ...and ever since Seminary has been over---this slow drifting has crept in. But today is a new day, amen?! So,this is me and who I am-I dream and dream big when it has come to my earthly "love story". My note: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 12:04pm · I think my favorite part of the day is my morning devotions. There is just something about the stillness of my apartment and the beauty of the morning sun dripping through the windows that takes me to the heavenly throne room of My King. Today was different for me. It was different because today my heart that is usually very, very (did I mention very?) content about being single, began to re-dream. Re-dream of what I desire my future spouse to be like. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I've thought of what I am looking for (ask my family. They are praying earnestly that I at least begin to entertain the thought of marriage. Ha. I tell them they and my friends are enough. But still, they don't want me to be alone. I do love them.). So, with Valentine's Day up ahead, even though I do not have my earthly love this year as my Valentine, I will decide to take sometime to dream about him. Cheesy? Sure. Satisfying to the heart? Actually...most definitely. Why satisfying? As a single woman closer to 30 than 20, I find that doing this keeps me looking forward with hope and fulfillment over that of hopelessness and emptiness wrought by the lack of him in my life. I know that God has an amazing plan (marriage or not). One that I believe is phenomenal, and I trust Him to bring about that which is good and right in my life, and maybe in that of my future husband's life. (And I choose to dream over sulking. Sulking is un-productive. Dreaming is not. Dream people, dream!) The following attributes, while I was writing them, made me think of a couple things. 1. There are many of these attributes I need to develop in my life (like 50+% of them) and 2. Jesus Christ, my First Love, possess all of these! He lacks not one! Thanks be to God, I have Jesus. So, without further adue, here is my heart and these are my dreams for the man I will hopefully call my husband: Caring; compassionate; quick to listen slow to speak; intuitive; thoughtful; consistent with his words and actions; man of his word; reliable; faithful; promise keeper; un-worldly; modest in speech and in act; humble; strong; not quick to rush sweet moments; mindful; passionate; adventerous; funny; lovely; the truest sense of a man; spoken highly of; trustworthy; a good friend to me and o/s; resent-less; forgiving; patient as the day is long; calm; wise; pure in action and thought; servant leader; a good father; goes deep with God; strong and deep faith; playful; challenges me to make me better; active; innovative; sweet; likealbe; truthful but not hurtful; not spiteful; bold when necessary; not controlling; gracious; man of prayer; lover of Scripture; encouraging; self-less; restorative; non-judgemental; doer of the Word; wise with finances; passionately pursues Christ daily; lives with conviction; loves Jesus more than me; family man; is on board with having the Love story worth talking about years after we've left this world; desires to make me fall in love with him all over again each and every day; responds over reacting; sanctifies me daily with Christ; takes time for the important things... {END NOTE} So, family and friends, there you have it. Striving to be more like these so that I am a better woman for those surrounding me and also for my husband someday-but especially so that I represent my First Love as best I can because in the end, he is the only One I want to impress. May our lives depict these characteristics so that we can have our lives and our world transformed. Have an incredible day!

Life Perspective and Transformation

Good a.m. to you all:) I hope that you are doing very well on this fine, Saturday morning. I know that how I am doing, well I have a cup of coffee sitting to my left, God on my heart. Today, I am earnestly seeking God for His direction on finding our what my life calling will be. And I would say that this very issue is the biggest cause of my quarter life crisis. Do I want to be a professor? Or, maybe an artist, I love doing art. Or, photography? Maybe I want to be a dance instructor. I don't really need to pay my bills do I ? I could be world traveler...or maybe, fake my death in order to be a world traveler! (Don't think I haven't thought about it....:)) Ha, oh the ideas that run through my head sometimes. What do I want to do..which leads me to carrying on our conversation from last night about perspective and life and the lovely within the dread. I guess right now I'm at the point where I have somewhat created for myself being stuck in the dread. So, what am I going to do about it now? Well, start dreaming again. But what are my dreams? What do I hope to do? What do I want to do with this life of mine? There's a lot of me in those sentences...which brings me to remembering a very wise man's words, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his lifed will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:34-36. Oh yeah, this wise man, his name is Jesus and he's the love of my life....And He's for sure been bringing these words to my attention this entire month. Now, I want sit here more with his words. What am I doing right now? Well, the world tells me that I need to no matter what, do a job, get paid, and pay off my bills. And if that is what the world wants, then I will do whatever vocation it takes to succeed in paying off my bills---and in that, forget what God would have me do for my vocation. Sometimes, I feel that until I get into the vocation that God has called me into, I will constantly find that I am selling my soul and the happiness of my soul for the sake of paying off my bills. Amazing when its said like that. SO! I guess my next steps need to be earnest prayer, quiet time with the Lord to see what he would have for me...and what he might have may be risky. Speaking of risk, my very supportive boyfriend today said, "Sometimes you have to risk a lot to gain a lot." Denying oneself and the comforts and approval of others I would say is for sure risking alot, and if I don't risk, what will I be losing? A lot. At this point, I need a brain transplant---pure transformation of my mind has got to happen. Transformation as to what I deem as right verses what is truly right in God's eyes. Honestly, I don't think what is truly right in God's eyes was us paying our bills and getting them paid NO MATTER WHAT, regardless of us missing out on our life calling. Nope. Don't recall a verse that says that! I do remember him saying this, "...I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6. Right now, I would say that what I am doing is not really causing me to know him more because the space to know him more is not being created by what I am doing. I'm honestly choosing create a space that allows me to pays the bills and receive approval from others in doing "the responsible" thing. I'm working a job that does not allow me to use my talents he's given me for this world, for His kingdom to in the end know him more and allow others to know him more. Yep, I'm giving him the the burnt offerings=showing others and myself that I can work a job and pay the bills...b/c that's what is "successful" in this world. Hmmm.... Obviously, there are some others things I am considering too through all of this too. Like, what does it mean to be content in all situations? (Phil 4:12) What does it mean to no matter what I am doing, to work for the Lord. (Col 3:22-24) Yes. I know all these things and am also taking them into consideration. And through it all, I am praying for God to transform my mind and change my perspective on what His perspective is for my life and this world. But for now, we can chat more later...time to put on my happy face for work:)

Blogging Beginnings

Greetings and welcome to my blog. I appreciate your time to stop by and peek around at what is going on in my life as of last. If you didn't know, my name is Crystal Woodford. A good friend of mine actually encouraged me to start up a blog. I thought about it and decided, "Yes. It would be good to share my life's journey's with others, because my journey's may help the life journey's of another." I'm all about making life count and leaving a mark so, here goes! To introduce myself, I am a 27 year old woman with lots of dreams and hopes for what I would have my life look like. As of late, I am taking a look at my life and wondering, "Hmm...this is definitely not what I was thinking I'd be doing with my life at 27." A bit of a quarter of a life crisis statement, don't you think? Soooo, life...wow. There is so much to be said about life and actually, that is what this blog is going to consist of is chatting about life. I love connecting with people and find that whoever you are or I am, somehow we are connected through experiencing life. It might not be the same life. Yours may be much more difficult than mine---but regards of the specific circumstance, we both experience the happy, the sad, the pain, the confusion and the regret of the day. And by this, I find that somehow, we can choose to be connected, and choose to be a community of individuals who strive to leave eachother's presence better than when we entered it. So please, as you enter my life, bring with you your day-the pain, the happy, the joy or just the mundane. Experience here with me you day and my hope is that you would leave my presence here within this blog better. So, I've mentioned the word "day" in the previous paragraph a few times. Essentially, life consists of days, days hours, hours mins...you get the picture. Lately, in regards to my days, I wonder this, "How can one day be so lovely and then the next, so dreadful?" And why is it that the lovely days are all too short and those ikcy days, those days you want to yell in frustration at each sec of every moment, why do those days last so long? I've pondered on this. Is it my perspective on my circumstances? Do I just have such a poor perspective on the secs of the mins of the hours of my days that the icky lasts much longer than the lovely? As of late....I feel like my days have been so utterly congested with frustration, heart ache and feeling so "stuck" with where I'm at, that all I see is the ick. Now, don't get me wrong, there have most definitely been the lovely within the ick---and I praise God for that because if there was not, then I would most likely be on some anti-depressant! And to continue to speak of God and perspective on life---I have consistently encountered from Him this idea of "transformation of the mind." Do you know how difficult it is to transform thoughts?!?! But with that, do you know important it is to allow God to transform our thoughts? Critical for survival. And all I can say about that is that when it comes to me allowing transformation to happen within my mind...as of late...well, let's just say, I should be considered in critical condition... With that said, I'm going to let this digest for a bit...and plan to carry on my thoughts about perspective, mind transformation, my mind being in critical condition and this notion of seeing hopefully my days as more lovely than the current ick. So, with this said, I bid you a goodnight and look forward to chatting about what's going on later:)