It's a Beautiful Valentine's Day!!

Hi everyone! Happy Valentine's Day:) We have love and know love because God first loved us! That is what is getting me through today (and hopefully everyone other day of the year), as well as the love of my family and friends that make life beautiful. One thing I love about holidays is that they cause me to pause and think about where I was last year at this exact day. I'm a big journaler, so I took the opportunity this morning to read what was going on in my heart. Ha, well, I guess I'm kinda at the same place as I was last year...hoping, yearning, desiring, dreaming...dreaming. The desires of my heart haven't changed too much and we can add that the yearning of my heart and my hopes haven't really changed either. Ha-well, at least there is one thing that has stayed consistent in my life. Ahem. Anyways, I'm sure you're curious about what I hope, yearn, desire and dream for and I guess this year, there is something that I would add to the list. 1. I hope, yearn, desire and dream for God to be made greater in my life within the next year. I want to look back a year from now and see that I am a stronger woman of God and that my life has impacted positively the lives of others. 2. I hope, yearn, desire and dream about my future husband. I know. From some of you I'll get the "LAME" card. And really, I'm fine with being LAME. Carrying on....if you know me, you know that I have been wanting to meet my future husband since I was like gosh, 14? Probably sooner knowing me. And here's a little inside scoop about me: I've been writing letters to my future husband for 18 yrs now. Yeppers-one tradition I just can't let go of. My journals will be his journals essentially, because I won't have anything to hide from him. AND, I SO look forward to the day he gets to read all of them. And whoever I marry I know will eat each journal entry up! I mean, the man will have plenty of time to get through all those letters because God willing, he'll have "until death do part us" to read them. I think he'll be pleased with the entries' content and I'm sure there will be other entries that will make him cry (yes, REAL MEN CRY!)...But none the less, they will give him the inside scoop of his wife's heart and soul in the most rawest fashion:) (YIKES) Gotta love intimacy. (And by intimacy, I do not mean the tellings of "Oh my gosh this one time I farted in front of my boss and it was mortifying!" or, " I like totally kissed/made-out/.... with them." Close and in part...but not the entire essence of intimacy.) I'm talking the dirt, the fears, the shortcomings in life. Full disclosure of one's soul, people. That's intimacy. And that is one thing I am thrilled about being in a Christian Covenant with another is to be at a place of utter vulnerability (intimacy) and receiving Jesus' love, grace and mercy here on this earth. Beautiful. I can and can't wait for that day...but for the most part, I'm praying that God will help me to continue to focus on Him and what He has for me to do, because I know that even when I am married. my husband will not be able to drench me with the love that only God can supply. God's love far surpasses the love of any human and in this life that's what I choose to make my heart's 1st desire! Now, to kick off Valentines Day, I guess I want to share a little something with you all: my heart. I want to do this in hopes of encouraging you somehow on this day. If you are single and not sharing this day with a boyfriend or girlfriend, it's O.K.-you're in good company;) Embrace, instead, the love of family and friends that surround you, and know too, that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I'd encourage you, if you want, to journal to that special someone. For some of you, you might think it's weird. Fine, whatever. Go do something you deem more "normal" then. But, for those who don't think it's weird-start making a box of letters to your future honey to give to them someday. It's kinda fun to think about the day they'll be reading it. It helps you dream and hope.... Now, without further adue, here is my heart which is my journal entry for this day: February 14, 2013 Father, Today is both beautiful and haunting. Beautiful because you have blessed me with you, family and friends. Haunting because I spend another Valentine's Day as the last. I know. I know--the beauty should far outweigh the haunting. I know. I look back and a yr ago, I'm kinda at the same place...but I guess somethings have changed. God I praise you for doing such an incredible work. You have blessed me and encouraged me with words from others that reveal your presence is seen in my life during this difficult time. I'm humbled. I don't feel strong at all...but I know that it is when we are weak, you are strong! Amen. Thank you for your love! You promise good and good I will believe in! To my future Husband, I am praying these words over you now: My sweetheart, oh sweet man that I love...my eyes begin to well up with tears as I think about you and just wow, this past year. Thank you for your grace and mercy and acceptance. Christ radiates in your and I am SO grateful you seek Him as you do. That you have chosen to be His Bride-you are stunning! I love you. With all that I am, I love you. You bless me b/c you are a strong man of God and the spiritual leader for our family. You are not impartial to sin but really push into godliness. You demand better of yourself in the sense of striving to be more Christ-like. You have an incredible heart for people. You're compassionate, loving, tender-hearted and so patient. You are attentive, aware and make everyone around you (including me), feel cared for. You are utterly selfless. You seek first the Kingdom of God. You hope and trust in our Lord and want the good of others over your own desires and you, my love, are not ashamed of the Gospel. You desire with a reckless abandonment for the lost to be found. You do not compromise being holy and are devoted to God. You are enthralled by Jesus and each moment you strive to know him and love him more. You are dedicated first to doing the Lord's bidding and for that are a man of GREAT strength, honor and leadership. Wherever you go, people are blessed and made better...You do not settle for an O.K. faith, but are constantly striving for a phenomenal relationship with the Lord! And in regards to me: I've never felt more beautiful-you see me, you value me, you invest in all God has planned for me, you hear me, you strive to have me fall in love with you all over again, each passing day. You consider my heart with each decision you make. You dress me with compassion, love and purity. You see me as Christ sees me and you lead us to being an intentional couple for the LORD in the lives of eachother and others. You bless me and are the definition of a godly man. I love every last inch of you and your heart. I cannot believe God would smile down on me and give me you. I am wholly yours...and I promise to daily strive to give myself wholly to our King and then you. May S of S be our story this day. I love you and wait patiently (as patiently as I can) for you. ~Crystal Joy. I hope that he won't mind I shared that with all of you--- I'm sure he won't mind. For those of you godly women (men too) out there who are single and waiting on the LORD to bless you with a godly spouse, I'd encourage you to seek the face of God FIRST, with all that you are because if it is a godly man/woman you are after to attract, then know that it is a godly woman/man he/she will want, sooooo, dress yourself solely in utter devotion to the LORD. It's possible that after doing this, you'll probably be so satisfied that if/when your husband/wife comes along, you'll not even notice! Ha! (we can only hope-truly). But in all seriousness, what an incredible thing to do but to pray over you future spouse. He/She's out there and is doing something (hopefully for the Kingdom or maybe struggling with life) and most likely will need your prayers! So, however you see that working itself out (I journal prayers over him), do it:) Ok...that's all I have to share with you all today. Enjoy this day friends! Dream, hope and enjoy the love that God brings to you each and every morning!!!! Happy Valentines Day!

Fraudulent: Part II

Good afternoon to all of you who have taken some time out of your day to read my post, I thank you. I hope that whatever revelation I reveal to you in this post today brings you strength and encouragement. So, Part II...where to begin. Since my last post, God has been doing something incredible inside of me. It has not come without tears, persistence, heartache and sometimes long nights, rather, it has come through loss and a deep pain resulting from this loss. But, from loss God can do much. From crushed dreams, God can do much! I have a flip book that sits on my vanity in my room. Yesterday's quote was by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She states, "God's gifts put man's (or woman's) best dreams to shame." Truth. If you think your dreams are fabulous and wonderful, put them in God's hands, sit back, and watch Him do far more than you could ever imagine. Granted, it might take some time for his handiwork to be seen by you, for a thousand years is like but a day to our God. (Again...gotta love the need for patience factor coming in. My fav....;)). But if we wait patiently for God's gifts...he can and he WILL without a doubt TOP my dreams. I mean, look what he did in the beginning...he pretty much created everything you see around you out of N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Ummm, sweet! Adding to this, this incredible Creator has not only created out of nothing all that we see, but he has also been able to take loss and make it whole.And this brings me to incredible news: Jesus. (Sunday school answer, yes. But always right!). Col 2:13, Paul writes, "When you were dead in your sins (UMM BIG LOSS HERE PEOPLE) and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature (SUPER BIG LOSS), God made you alive with Christ (WHOLENESS). He forgave us all our sins,.(SCORE!)" Christ not only makes me alive and therefore whole...but he is also, "The author and perfecter of my faith." (Hebrews 12:2). Which brings me to the fact that NO LONGER do I have to be a fraud when it comes to my faith BECAUSE OF CHRIST. Period. What he says goes and to be honest, what he says is pretty phenomenal....sooo...I think I'll take his words over the world's and sometimes my own. For far far too long I have allowed my focus to be on the temporary...(ewww) when truly, this life is but a preparation for what is to come. Want a picture of what is to come? Check it: " Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (1 Peter 1:3-7)Boom! . After reading this today, I said, "LORD, I want that! I'm sick of spending my days here on this earth straining for anything BUT attaining YOU and what you have for me and what is to come. I don't want gold that perishes. I don't want a job that can end or to invest in those things that count as nothing on that last day. Nope, I see and I want the eternal in the worst way and I won't rest until I get it! " Will attaining this sometimes be hard work? You better just count on that as an affimative. It will be super hard work. Worth it? Ummm...an inheritance that doesn't perish, spoil or fade. Like duh..tots worth it. You see...God has been doing a work in me that has not been fun, the "NO FUN ZONE" if you will. There were days I wanted to bury myself in a hole and never come out. And I'm sure he hated having to allow this pain to enter my life...but he knew that the end result would be a something far more beautiful than what was before. And I tell you the truth, sitting on the other side of this....it's worth it. All the pain, all the tears, heart ache, etc. has been worth it because today I am stronger than I use to be. I have more courage than I could ever hope for and I know that my faith is genuine and that to me is worth more than all the silver and the gold or anything this world has to offer. My hope for you is that you look at the 1 Peter passage above and allow it to sink in. Ask yourself: "Do I want that? Do I want an inheritance that can NEVER perish, spoil or fade?" If the answer is yes...brother or sister, you have gained much. And soon, you will see your strength, courage and honor increase!! And, you will be able to look at this life with an incredible purpose as your prepare for the incredible journey God has planned for you!

Fraudulent: Part I

Happy Saturday, everyone. I hope this blog post finds you each doing very well. Hopefully at peace with where you are at in life and where God has decided for you to be circumstantially in this very moment. Because wherever you are now is right where He knew you were going to be since the very beginning of time. And if you find yourself not at peace, well, know that you are in good company, because I find myself going back and forth about having a peace with where I am at in life currently. I'll go to bed thankful and trusting that tomorrow will be a new day, full of God's mercies, and then I'll wake up the next day full of dread and fear and hopelessness. How does that happen? That's probably why I prefer to stay sleeping:) As I awoke today, the feelings of inadequacy, fear, failure, deep loss, regret, hopelessness, (you name the most dreadful of words and I'm sure I felt it;)). I want to be honest, I knew that these feelings needed to be dealt with in order for my day to not be wasted (because Lord knows I have allowed to many days to be wasted because I've allowed these feelings to rule my day vs. allowing God's promises to rule my day). So, I turned to God. I opened up His word and begged the Holy Spirit to offer me some peace-ANY peace...a small morsel would do-but for heaven's sake offer me something! So, I turned to a beloved verse offered to me during my time at Northwestern College. It's the passage found in Romans 5:3-5: "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Beautiful, huh? Well, I wasn't really feeling the beauty of that too much to be honest. I said to myself, "Oh great, suffering. I have to suffer first, which only brings me endurance, which will bring character and THEN I get to the hope. Yet another process to receiving a peace that I so desperately want NoW!" Honest, folks. I am being so brutally honest with all of you today and how I'm feeling right now, but why not be real. I continued to read by going over the proceeding chapter. Romans 4. To sum this up, FAITH is a big deal and Abraham, he had it! And as I read about faith (a word we as Christians readily embrace but I will beg if we truly know how to live it out). We (and I'm pointing the hardest at myself when I say "we") as Christians say, "Oh yeah, I have faith. I believe in God and Jesus for sure. I have a super strong and deep faith." Ok. I'll give ya that...and I hope that is the case, because honestly, in these past few weeks of full-on "suffering", I gotta tell ya, I've had to question how "deep" and "strong" my faith in God has been. Who we are and our character reveals itself in the dark days, not the light ones. When he's asked me to give up particular dreams/ hopes/comforts, with my mouth I've said, "Oh, sure. I'll do that.Right away, God. Because I trust you for sure." But it has taken me MONTHS to actually DO the very thing God asked me to do. And as of late, God has ripped from me something that I have deemed so important and almost part of me. This thing...oh,ooooo, I was sooo mad at God for taking this from me and making me give this up after I've been "so faithful" to him. I chuckle at myself sometimes and imagine how funny I must sound to God when he hears me say, "BUT I'VE BEEN SO FAITHFUL AND I DESERVE THIS! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME, I'VE EARNED IT BY BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU!" What a little brat I can be sometimes. He's showing me right now just how faithful I've been to Him and let me tell ya folks, it's pretty pathetic. So, that is why I have titled my post today, "FRAUDULENT" because that I what I have been when it comes to my faith in God. And I call myself this because it is in the "storms of life" where out faith's strength is revealed, and during this "storm" in my life, my faith is really really fake. I'm uncomfortably faced with the fact that I do not have faith like Abraham. Not. One. Bit. You see, Abraham was asked to leave his home for God, and later in life, after he and his wife Sarah waited years and years and years for a son and finally got one, God asked Abraham to even sacrifice his only son. This son he had truly been FAITHFUL to God to be given. Ha, if anyone had a right to shout out God about how "faithful" they had been, it would have been Abraham. But even in the midst of these difficult requests from God, we see Abraham obeys and trusts God enough to do that very thing that he had been asked to do (move into a foreign land and sacrifice his only son Issac). And that is why Abraham is known as a man of great faith. And that is why he was blessed as having his offspring be more numerable than the stars in the sky. But not to toot Abraham's horn too much because his faith reflects the greatness of who God is and what he wants to give those who have faith in Him. He wants to give them all that is good which is solely Himself. Faith, without a doubt, will sometimes mean suffering...and it's not like we weren't warned of this. We were. But when we stepped into the faith, we weren't doing it blindly, but because something in us stirred that there was something magnificently great about stepping into this faith. Something out of this world and amazing. It's like when we start a workout program, we know that the promises of working out are amazing. But it's when we are physically suffering to created muscle that will get us to our end amazing-ness, that I'm sure we question if doing the workout program was a good idea. Now, comparing eternal life to that of a workout program is cheap, but you understand what I'm trying to say. So, stepping into this faith and the suffering that it may bring to us, we know that suffering is not the end; rather the end is a promise of God's infinite love being poured into our hearts and the gift of the Holy Spirit who comforts those in the midst of the suffering (Romans 5). And that's what's getting me through this time: God's love and the promise of the Holy Spirit. I'm praying that during these difficult days, that my faith in God be made authentic and grow, because my faith is not looking too hott right now and without my faith in God, I have nothing in this world. Honestly. And I want faith so that I can embrace this horrid suffering and stay the course because I want receive Him who is more than I could ever hope for or ask for in this life. His promises are eternal and good and beautiful (I'm trying SOOO hard right now to just even say these words) and I know this...but it's one thing to know, and an entirely another thing to live it out. If I ask, I know God will give me the strength to stop being fraudulent in my faith and help me to be an authentic woman known with a strong faith. My next post is going to be a good one. It's going to be hopeful one that talks about just how beautiful God's promises are when it comes to him giving us faith. Hint:Jesus. But that's all I'm gonna say. Know that wherever you are at, I'm praying for you to be given strength and hope and to feel the presence of God in your day.