Life Perspective and Transformation

Good a.m. to you all:) I hope that you are doing very well on this fine, Saturday morning. I know that how I am doing, well I have a cup of coffee sitting to my left, God on my heart. Today, I am earnestly seeking God for His direction on finding our what my life calling will be. And I would say that this very issue is the biggest cause of my quarter life crisis. Do I want to be a professor? Or, maybe an artist, I love doing art. Or, photography? Maybe I want to be a dance instructor. I don't really need to pay my bills do I ? I could be world traveler...or maybe, fake my death in order to be a world traveler! (Don't think I haven't thought about it....:)) Ha, oh the ideas that run through my head sometimes. What do I want to do..which leads me to carrying on our conversation from last night about perspective and life and the lovely within the dread. I guess right now I'm at the point where I have somewhat created for myself being stuck in the dread. So, what am I going to do about it now? Well, start dreaming again. But what are my dreams? What do I hope to do? What do I want to do with this life of mine? There's a lot of me in those sentences...which brings me to remembering a very wise man's words, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his lifed will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:34-36. Oh yeah, this wise man, his name is Jesus and he's the love of my life....And He's for sure been bringing these words to my attention this entire month. Now, I want sit here more with his words. What am I doing right now? Well, the world tells me that I need to no matter what, do a job, get paid, and pay off my bills. And if that is what the world wants, then I will do whatever vocation it takes to succeed in paying off my bills---and in that, forget what God would have me do for my vocation. Sometimes, I feel that until I get into the vocation that God has called me into, I will constantly find that I am selling my soul and the happiness of my soul for the sake of paying off my bills. Amazing when its said like that. SO! I guess my next steps need to be earnest prayer, quiet time with the Lord to see what he would have for me...and what he might have may be risky. Speaking of risk, my very supportive boyfriend today said, "Sometimes you have to risk a lot to gain a lot." Denying oneself and the comforts and approval of others I would say is for sure risking alot, and if I don't risk, what will I be losing? A lot. At this point, I need a brain transplant---pure transformation of my mind has got to happen. Transformation as to what I deem as right verses what is truly right in God's eyes. Honestly, I don't think what is truly right in God's eyes was us paying our bills and getting them paid NO MATTER WHAT, regardless of us missing out on our life calling. Nope. Don't recall a verse that says that! I do remember him saying this, "...I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6. Right now, I would say that what I am doing is not really causing me to know him more because the space to know him more is not being created by what I am doing. I'm honestly choosing create a space that allows me to pays the bills and receive approval from others in doing "the responsible" thing. I'm working a job that does not allow me to use my talents he's given me for this world, for His kingdom to in the end know him more and allow others to know him more. Yep, I'm giving him the the burnt offerings=showing others and myself that I can work a job and pay the bills...b/c that's what is "successful" in this world. Hmmm.... Obviously, there are some others things I am considering too through all of this too. Like, what does it mean to be content in all situations? (Phil 4:12) What does it mean to no matter what I am doing, to work for the Lord. (Col 3:22-24) Yes. I know all these things and am also taking them into consideration. And through it all, I am praying for God to transform my mind and change my perspective on what His perspective is for my life and this world. But for now, we can chat more later...time to put on my happy face for work:)