Thankful. So very Thankful!

Greetings everyone! Wow, it's been awhile since I have been on here to post! Forgive me...life has been full of change. Great change. No. AWEsome change. Since my last post, I have moved two times and am now working at a different salon and also getting to serve an elderly gal and her family by being a caretaker for her. And get this-it all fell into place this past Sept-Oct. And what did I do? Pray. And continue to bend my knee to my Fathers will. To pursue Him first above all things and wow-has he provided. I'm currently living on the lake, rent free. I am attacking debt like its a fungus, & I am satisfied more than I have ever been in life! Why? Because God is the one steering my life and I get to be right next to Him, enjoying this beautiful scenery life is revealing to me. I am blessed to have a wonderful Church family, amazing 9th graders I get to enjoy every Wed night, & also, serving God more so at work and in my home life with Betty (she's the elderly gal I get to serve and love on!) Oh how sweet the Fathers love for us! How greatly he desires to give his children THE best. Now, getting to this place in life was by no means a walk in the park. Nope. It was an extremely difficult, painful trip up the mountain I began journeying over a year ago. Lots of tears, lots of restless nights and difficult conversations with My King. But wow, how he has been such an incredible partner during the rough journey. Not for one moment did I feel alone. And I look back and see Him there with me every step. While there is still more healing to be done, there is this incredible burst of light that now surrounds all of me. While there use to only darkness and stumbling, there is now brightness and strong steps being taken. I thank my God for being my strength when I was weak. For being my righteousness when I was a wretch, and most importantly, being the Love of my life. I love you, sweet Jesus! May we look to him and thank him for His presence in the storms of life, and bringing about the sun thereafter. Thanking Him for incredible family, friends and His faithfulness! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

2.5 and Neon Sign-er, I mean Piece of Notebook Paper

Good SPRING afternoon everyone! Yes, today for us Minnesotans, we get the absolute joy of experiencing a spring day! It is 65 degrees and the weather could not be more lovely. I actually started to get a bit warm in my jeans and chiffon top today-which made me happy:) I love spring! It is a time for new life and to see everyone come out of their homes to be part of the world. It is a time for beautiful smells to dance across the air and it is a time for the hope that winter has past (knock on wood) and summer is about to come. I love Summer too-but I am excited that Spring has come and Winter is behind us. So, since my last post, much has happened in my life. Life feels like Spring these days and my past season of life's Winter is becoming a shadow. I was talking to my best friend this past Sunday as I was hunkered down in a coffee shop, looking over some notes for a leadership opportunity, and while I was talking to him, both him and I started to reflect on where my life journey has taken me since this past Jan/Feb. I mentioned to him that lately, I have this new hope welling up inside of me-a hope for new beginnings. That while this past season of life has been heart wrenching and difficult (sometimes so difficult,that the desire to even want to get out of bed and live most days was a whopping 0), I would not have changed the pain, tears and sleepless nights for anything. You see, even though we experience pain, loss and discouragement sometime in life, we all have the opportunity to live with the hope that God (YHWH) will work out all of our situation for the good IF we but TRUST in Him to do such! (Romans 8:28 paraphrased). Back in Jan/Feb, hope and trust in God to bring about this good, including family and close friends, were the only things in this life that made me want to keep pressing forward. It would have been super easy to lose my faith and get mad at God for allowing this into my life, but honestly, I can't imagine going through what I went through without Jesus who is everything. Looking at where I am today and the strength and perspective I have gained from that dark, lonely and painful time, I am grateful for that bitter winter season of life...because now, I am enjoying this new beginning God has brought to me, this Spring of life, if you will. So, today I have a story of this how God has brought about new beginnings. I want to share with all of you about God's faithfulness to bring about His good in the most perfect of time. That sometimes, His perfect time is in the season of pruning and pain, and it is sometimes here that God tends to really REALLY show up in our lives. Here's the story: One afternoon, after I had just finished indoor rock-climbing and doing some hiking in the "not so warm" weather, I found myself siting in a restaurant about to enjoy a cheeseburger. This day wasn't anything out of the ordinary. As I was waiting for my food to come, I began to ponder where God had me at that moment in life. I have no complaints. I have been blessed with an incredible job during this season of healing and transition and couldn't be more grateful, but evenso, there has been present this urge to seek for more. So, I set my head back on the booth's backing and looked up at the ceiling and asked, "God what do you want me to do? I'll do anything you tell me...ya just gotta tell me what to do." A neon sign is something I've always hoped for but rarely have encountered. Odd, I know. Anyways, a couple mins. later, I reached my hands into my coat pockets to rest them. As I did this, I noticed that there was a piece of paper in my left jacket pocket. I took my left hand out of my pocket as I clutched to the white notebook paper. Random. 1. I was surprised that there was a piece of paper in this jacket pocket because 2. I couldn't remember the last time I had even worn this jacket-it was a random choice for the day. So, I began to unfold this mystery piece of paper from my jacket pocket. Completely unfolded, I found in the center of this paper the words, "westwoodcc.org." Odd. I didn't recognize the handwriting or the name of this place whatsoever. So, my curiosity grew. I got out my phone and typed in the web addy. Eventually, a church named Westwood and her welcome page popped up on my phone's screen. I did some digging around the website and saw that there was a section for employment. I decided to check it out and see what opportunities Westwood was offering. Now, I need to add here that I have been wanting/looking for jobs in ministry for quite sometime now, but nothing has really peaked my interest besides another position I had interviewed with this past Feb. But, let me tell you, the job opportunity that was posted on Westwood's site was right up my ally! Geee!!! So I applied and waited to hear back. Now, people....remember, that just two mins prior to finding this piece of paper in this random jacket that I hadn't worn in I do not know HOW many months, I asked God what he wanted me to do. Crazy? Maybe. Neon Sign=piece of paper. Possibly. But in all honesty, I know that God's hand has been behind this the entire time and it is exciting to see Him at work. Easter weekend came and went and then Monday, when I was driving back from Ia, I got a call from a gal who works at the church. Her and I chatted for 10 mins about the position I applied for. After talking about this opportunity, she then directed the conversation towards a job opportunity within the church that had not even been posted yet to the website. Whoa. She said that after hearing my heart and looking at my resume, that she would be happy to get me connected up with the guy in charge of finding the person for the Associate of Young Adult Ministry. I told her I was in. Since then, I have been having conversations with church members and the man who would be my supervisor for a few weeks now. And I would like to announce that God has blessed me to be encountering interview 2.5:) Ha-I say 2.5 because the final interview (interview #3), can't commence until the head pastor is back in the country (God is always having me work on this patience thing isn't he!). But nonetheless, all of us part of this process are moving forward and I will be meeting with the Executive Pastor. All this to say folks: GOD IS FAITHFUL! He gives you 2.5 Interviews when you had no idea a couple months ago that Interview 2.5 for job X even existed! But truly, if we "ask and seek " God earnestly without doubt with all of our hearts, mind and strength, He will answer. While His answer to your asking may not come 2 mins after you pray like it did for me (but honestly, I have been praying for years about something like this to find me), he WILL answer in his PERFECT time. And had I not been at a place where had lost much and therefore had empty hands-, thereby being in a position where all I could do is receive, I might not have been ready for what God might be leading me to do. So, what are you holding onto that might be keeping you from receiving God's best or His next adventure for you? While it is most definitely frightening and might bring about much heartache, loss, etc by letting go of what you are clenching to, know that there is a God who WILL give you more than you could EVER imagine attaining for yourself out of your own strength. Let it go. Give up the control of finding that special someone (who by the way people cannot be the source of your happiness), owning a house, car, that glamorous job, etc (that by the way will never and cannot be the source of your happiness). Instead, allow your hands to be completely empty. Then, once you have nothing, go to the One who has EVERYTHING that is GOOD. Love, joy, peace, patience, direction, focus, purpose, fulfillment...things that this world DO NOT AND CANNOT HOLD A CANDLE TO! Go to Him and He will fill. As the apostle Paul wrote, "Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ." (Phil 3:8). For it is when we have nothing and we seek Him, it is only then that we will find that we truly have it all...because He is everything. So what are you holding onto that is less than the greatness that is found only in Him?

It's a Beautiful Valentine's Day!!

Hi everyone! Happy Valentine's Day:) We have love and know love because God first loved us! That is what is getting me through today (and hopefully everyone other day of the year), as well as the love of my family and friends that make life beautiful. One thing I love about holidays is that they cause me to pause and think about where I was last year at this exact day. I'm a big journaler, so I took the opportunity this morning to read what was going on in my heart. Ha, well, I guess I'm kinda at the same place as I was last year...hoping, yearning, desiring, dreaming...dreaming. The desires of my heart haven't changed too much and we can add that the yearning of my heart and my hopes haven't really changed either. Ha-well, at least there is one thing that has stayed consistent in my life. Ahem. Anyways, I'm sure you're curious about what I hope, yearn, desire and dream for and I guess this year, there is something that I would add to the list. 1. I hope, yearn, desire and dream for God to be made greater in my life within the next year. I want to look back a year from now and see that I am a stronger woman of God and that my life has impacted positively the lives of others. 2. I hope, yearn, desire and dream about my future husband. I know. From some of you I'll get the "LAME" card. And really, I'm fine with being LAME. Carrying on....if you know me, you know that I have been wanting to meet my future husband since I was like gosh, 14? Probably sooner knowing me. And here's a little inside scoop about me: I've been writing letters to my future husband for 18 yrs now. Yeppers-one tradition I just can't let go of. My journals will be his journals essentially, because I won't have anything to hide from him. AND, I SO look forward to the day he gets to read all of them. And whoever I marry I know will eat each journal entry up! I mean, the man will have plenty of time to get through all those letters because God willing, he'll have "until death do part us" to read them. I think he'll be pleased with the entries' content and I'm sure there will be other entries that will make him cry (yes, REAL MEN CRY!)...But none the less, they will give him the inside scoop of his wife's heart and soul in the most rawest fashion:) (YIKES) Gotta love intimacy. (And by intimacy, I do not mean the tellings of "Oh my gosh this one time I farted in front of my boss and it was mortifying!" or, " I like totally kissed/made-out/.... with them." Close and in part...but not the entire essence of intimacy.) I'm talking the dirt, the fears, the shortcomings in life. Full disclosure of one's soul, people. That's intimacy. And that is one thing I am thrilled about being in a Christian Covenant with another is to be at a place of utter vulnerability (intimacy) and receiving Jesus' love, grace and mercy here on this earth. Beautiful. I can and can't wait for that day...but for the most part, I'm praying that God will help me to continue to focus on Him and what He has for me to do, because I know that even when I am married. my husband will not be able to drench me with the love that only God can supply. God's love far surpasses the love of any human and in this life that's what I choose to make my heart's 1st desire! Now, to kick off Valentines Day, I guess I want to share a little something with you all: my heart. I want to do this in hopes of encouraging you somehow on this day. If you are single and not sharing this day with a boyfriend or girlfriend, it's O.K.-you're in good company;) Embrace, instead, the love of family and friends that surround you, and know too, that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I'd encourage you, if you want, to journal to that special someone. For some of you, you might think it's weird. Fine, whatever. Go do something you deem more "normal" then. But, for those who don't think it's weird-start making a box of letters to your future honey to give to them someday. It's kinda fun to think about the day they'll be reading it. It helps you dream and hope.... Now, without further adue, here is my heart which is my journal entry for this day: February 14, 2013 Father, Today is both beautiful and haunting. Beautiful because you have blessed me with you, family and friends. Haunting because I spend another Valentine's Day as the last. I know. I know--the beauty should far outweigh the haunting. I know. I look back and a yr ago, I'm kinda at the same place...but I guess somethings have changed. God I praise you for doing such an incredible work. You have blessed me and encouraged me with words from others that reveal your presence is seen in my life during this difficult time. I'm humbled. I don't feel strong at all...but I know that it is when we are weak, you are strong! Amen. Thank you for your love! You promise good and good I will believe in! To my future Husband, I am praying these words over you now: My sweetheart, oh sweet man that I love...my eyes begin to well up with tears as I think about you and just wow, this past year. Thank you for your grace and mercy and acceptance. Christ radiates in your and I am SO grateful you seek Him as you do. That you have chosen to be His Bride-you are stunning! I love you. With all that I am, I love you. You bless me b/c you are a strong man of God and the spiritual leader for our family. You are not impartial to sin but really push into godliness. You demand better of yourself in the sense of striving to be more Christ-like. You have an incredible heart for people. You're compassionate, loving, tender-hearted and so patient. You are attentive, aware and make everyone around you (including me), feel cared for. You are utterly selfless. You seek first the Kingdom of God. You hope and trust in our Lord and want the good of others over your own desires and you, my love, are not ashamed of the Gospel. You desire with a reckless abandonment for the lost to be found. You do not compromise being holy and are devoted to God. You are enthralled by Jesus and each moment you strive to know him and love him more. You are dedicated first to doing the Lord's bidding and for that are a man of GREAT strength, honor and leadership. Wherever you go, people are blessed and made better...You do not settle for an O.K. faith, but are constantly striving for a phenomenal relationship with the Lord! And in regards to me: I've never felt more beautiful-you see me, you value me, you invest in all God has planned for me, you hear me, you strive to have me fall in love with you all over again, each passing day. You consider my heart with each decision you make. You dress me with compassion, love and purity. You see me as Christ sees me and you lead us to being an intentional couple for the LORD in the lives of eachother and others. You bless me and are the definition of a godly man. I love every last inch of you and your heart. I cannot believe God would smile down on me and give me you. I am wholly yours...and I promise to daily strive to give myself wholly to our King and then you. May S of S be our story this day. I love you and wait patiently (as patiently as I can) for you. ~Crystal Joy. I hope that he won't mind I shared that with all of you--- I'm sure he won't mind. For those of you godly women (men too) out there who are single and waiting on the LORD to bless you with a godly spouse, I'd encourage you to seek the face of God FIRST, with all that you are because if it is a godly man/woman you are after to attract, then know that it is a godly woman/man he/she will want, sooooo, dress yourself solely in utter devotion to the LORD. It's possible that after doing this, you'll probably be so satisfied that if/when your husband/wife comes along, you'll not even notice! Ha! (we can only hope-truly). But in all seriousness, what an incredible thing to do but to pray over you future spouse. He/She's out there and is doing something (hopefully for the Kingdom or maybe struggling with life) and most likely will need your prayers! So, however you see that working itself out (I journal prayers over him), do it:) Ok...that's all I have to share with you all today. Enjoy this day friends! Dream, hope and enjoy the love that God brings to you each and every morning!!!! Happy Valentines Day!

Fraudulent: Part II

Good afternoon to all of you who have taken some time out of your day to read my post, I thank you. I hope that whatever revelation I reveal to you in this post today brings you strength and encouragement. So, Part II...where to begin. Since my last post, God has been doing something incredible inside of me. It has not come without tears, persistence, heartache and sometimes long nights, rather, it has come through loss and a deep pain resulting from this loss. But, from loss God can do much. From crushed dreams, God can do much! I have a flip book that sits on my vanity in my room. Yesterday's quote was by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She states, "God's gifts put man's (or woman's) best dreams to shame." Truth. If you think your dreams are fabulous and wonderful, put them in God's hands, sit back, and watch Him do far more than you could ever imagine. Granted, it might take some time for his handiwork to be seen by you, for a thousand years is like but a day to our God. (Again...gotta love the need for patience factor coming in. My fav....;)). But if we wait patiently for God's gifts...he can and he WILL without a doubt TOP my dreams. I mean, look what he did in the beginning...he pretty much created everything you see around you out of N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Ummm, sweet! Adding to this, this incredible Creator has not only created out of nothing all that we see, but he has also been able to take loss and make it whole.And this brings me to incredible news: Jesus. (Sunday school answer, yes. But always right!). Col 2:13, Paul writes, "When you were dead in your sins (UMM BIG LOSS HERE PEOPLE) and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature (SUPER BIG LOSS), God made you alive with Christ (WHOLENESS). He forgave us all our sins,.(SCORE!)" Christ not only makes me alive and therefore whole...but he is also, "The author and perfecter of my faith." (Hebrews 12:2). Which brings me to the fact that NO LONGER do I have to be a fraud when it comes to my faith BECAUSE OF CHRIST. Period. What he says goes and to be honest, what he says is pretty phenomenal....sooo...I think I'll take his words over the world's and sometimes my own. For far far too long I have allowed my focus to be on the temporary...(ewww) when truly, this life is but a preparation for what is to come. Want a picture of what is to come? Check it: " Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (1 Peter 1:3-7)Boom! . After reading this today, I said, "LORD, I want that! I'm sick of spending my days here on this earth straining for anything BUT attaining YOU and what you have for me and what is to come. I don't want gold that perishes. I don't want a job that can end or to invest in those things that count as nothing on that last day. Nope, I see and I want the eternal in the worst way and I won't rest until I get it! " Will attaining this sometimes be hard work? You better just count on that as an affimative. It will be super hard work. Worth it? Ummm...an inheritance that doesn't perish, spoil or fade. Like duh..tots worth it. You see...God has been doing a work in me that has not been fun, the "NO FUN ZONE" if you will. There were days I wanted to bury myself in a hole and never come out. And I'm sure he hated having to allow this pain to enter my life...but he knew that the end result would be a something far more beautiful than what was before. And I tell you the truth, sitting on the other side of this....it's worth it. All the pain, all the tears, heart ache, etc. has been worth it because today I am stronger than I use to be. I have more courage than I could ever hope for and I know that my faith is genuine and that to me is worth more than all the silver and the gold or anything this world has to offer. My hope for you is that you look at the 1 Peter passage above and allow it to sink in. Ask yourself: "Do I want that? Do I want an inheritance that can NEVER perish, spoil or fade?" If the answer is yes...brother or sister, you have gained much. And soon, you will see your strength, courage and honor increase!! And, you will be able to look at this life with an incredible purpose as your prepare for the incredible journey God has planned for you!

Fraudulent: Part I

Happy Saturday, everyone. I hope this blog post finds you each doing very well. Hopefully at peace with where you are at in life and where God has decided for you to be circumstantially in this very moment. Because wherever you are now is right where He knew you were going to be since the very beginning of time. And if you find yourself not at peace, well, know that you are in good company, because I find myself going back and forth about having a peace with where I am at in life currently. I'll go to bed thankful and trusting that tomorrow will be a new day, full of God's mercies, and then I'll wake up the next day full of dread and fear and hopelessness. How does that happen? That's probably why I prefer to stay sleeping:) As I awoke today, the feelings of inadequacy, fear, failure, deep loss, regret, hopelessness, (you name the most dreadful of words and I'm sure I felt it;)). I want to be honest, I knew that these feelings needed to be dealt with in order for my day to not be wasted (because Lord knows I have allowed to many days to be wasted because I've allowed these feelings to rule my day vs. allowing God's promises to rule my day). So, I turned to God. I opened up His word and begged the Holy Spirit to offer me some peace-ANY peace...a small morsel would do-but for heaven's sake offer me something! So, I turned to a beloved verse offered to me during my time at Northwestern College. It's the passage found in Romans 5:3-5: "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Beautiful, huh? Well, I wasn't really feeling the beauty of that too much to be honest. I said to myself, "Oh great, suffering. I have to suffer first, which only brings me endurance, which will bring character and THEN I get to the hope. Yet another process to receiving a peace that I so desperately want NoW!" Honest, folks. I am being so brutally honest with all of you today and how I'm feeling right now, but why not be real. I continued to read by going over the proceeding chapter. Romans 4. To sum this up, FAITH is a big deal and Abraham, he had it! And as I read about faith (a word we as Christians readily embrace but I will beg if we truly know how to live it out). We (and I'm pointing the hardest at myself when I say "we") as Christians say, "Oh yeah, I have faith. I believe in God and Jesus for sure. I have a super strong and deep faith." Ok. I'll give ya that...and I hope that is the case, because honestly, in these past few weeks of full-on "suffering", I gotta tell ya, I've had to question how "deep" and "strong" my faith in God has been. Who we are and our character reveals itself in the dark days, not the light ones. When he's asked me to give up particular dreams/ hopes/comforts, with my mouth I've said, "Oh, sure. I'll do that.Right away, God. Because I trust you for sure." But it has taken me MONTHS to actually DO the very thing God asked me to do. And as of late, God has ripped from me something that I have deemed so important and almost part of me. This thing...oh,ooooo, I was sooo mad at God for taking this from me and making me give this up after I've been "so faithful" to him. I chuckle at myself sometimes and imagine how funny I must sound to God when he hears me say, "BUT I'VE BEEN SO FAITHFUL AND I DESERVE THIS! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME, I'VE EARNED IT BY BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU!" What a little brat I can be sometimes. He's showing me right now just how faithful I've been to Him and let me tell ya folks, it's pretty pathetic. So, that is why I have titled my post today, "FRAUDULENT" because that I what I have been when it comes to my faith in God. And I call myself this because it is in the "storms of life" where out faith's strength is revealed, and during this "storm" in my life, my faith is really really fake. I'm uncomfortably faced with the fact that I do not have faith like Abraham. Not. One. Bit. You see, Abraham was asked to leave his home for God, and later in life, after he and his wife Sarah waited years and years and years for a son and finally got one, God asked Abraham to even sacrifice his only son. This son he had truly been FAITHFUL to God to be given. Ha, if anyone had a right to shout out God about how "faithful" they had been, it would have been Abraham. But even in the midst of these difficult requests from God, we see Abraham obeys and trusts God enough to do that very thing that he had been asked to do (move into a foreign land and sacrifice his only son Issac). And that is why Abraham is known as a man of great faith. And that is why he was blessed as having his offspring be more numerable than the stars in the sky. But not to toot Abraham's horn too much because his faith reflects the greatness of who God is and what he wants to give those who have faith in Him. He wants to give them all that is good which is solely Himself. Faith, without a doubt, will sometimes mean suffering...and it's not like we weren't warned of this. We were. But when we stepped into the faith, we weren't doing it blindly, but because something in us stirred that there was something magnificently great about stepping into this faith. Something out of this world and amazing. It's like when we start a workout program, we know that the promises of working out are amazing. But it's when we are physically suffering to created muscle that will get us to our end amazing-ness, that I'm sure we question if doing the workout program was a good idea. Now, comparing eternal life to that of a workout program is cheap, but you understand what I'm trying to say. So, stepping into this faith and the suffering that it may bring to us, we know that suffering is not the end; rather the end is a promise of God's infinite love being poured into our hearts and the gift of the Holy Spirit who comforts those in the midst of the suffering (Romans 5). And that's what's getting me through this time: God's love and the promise of the Holy Spirit. I'm praying that during these difficult days, that my faith in God be made authentic and grow, because my faith is not looking too hott right now and without my faith in God, I have nothing in this world. Honestly. And I want faith so that I can embrace this horrid suffering and stay the course because I want receive Him who is more than I could ever hope for or ask for in this life. His promises are eternal and good and beautiful (I'm trying SOOO hard right now to just even say these words) and I know this...but it's one thing to know, and an entirely another thing to live it out. If I ask, I know God will give me the strength to stop being fraudulent in my faith and help me to be an authentic woman known with a strong faith. My next post is going to be a good one. It's going to be hopeful one that talks about just how beautiful God's promises are when it comes to him giving us faith. Hint:Jesus. But that's all I'm gonna say. Know that wherever you are at, I'm praying for you to be given strength and hope and to feel the presence of God in your day.

Baby Food vs. An Exquisite Feast

This song right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVnMsW5J7gM. I gotta say...it is such a perfect song for me right now. Eesh. My God and my King, how faithful is he? SO faithful. These past few weeks have been so amazing and haunting all at the same time. I have never felt more distant from God, yet so close to him in the span of a few days in all of my life. He has both broken my heart and healed it..but for the most part, healed it because I have been relentless with Him to heal those areas of my life that so desperately need Him and His healing touch. I would say, for quite sometime, I have been lost. I have been pursuing what I wanted, when I wanted it, and while I wanted to to regard Him and His desires for my life, in the same breath I didnt. Deep breath..... I think the main (MAJOR) things God has been revealing to me during this time of a "stripping restoration" has been that I 1. Don't believe that he will do what he says he is going to do, bc if I did, well, then I wouldn't have been trying to control my life as much as what I have been trying to do. Hmm...and all this time I thought I was an authentic Christian. Nope. To be an authentic Christian you must BELIEVE in Him (aka believing he's going to do what he says he's going to do and trusting in that). Talk about a zinger to my image as a Christian. and 2. I haven't been trusting and obeying God one bit with my life. I thought I was trusting and obeying him...but here's the deal. Instead of believing in God and his truths, I was instead believing in un-truths (lies). And we all know who is the Father of Lies? Satan. And with Satan..HE DECEIVES YOU AND MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE TRUSTING AND OBEYING GOD WHEN YOU AREN'T!!!!! Yep, that little jerk is still up to his old ways. Remember the Garden of Eden when evil asked, "Now did God really say that you'd die if you ate from that tree?" (Gen 2). Deceiver! Made Eve think that she couldn't trust God and needed to take matters into her own hands because God's word couldn't be trusted. That he truly hadn't give her EVERYTHING she needed..that she somehow needed to take her dreams and make them a reality. WRONG! And oh, another example of Satan's old tricks. Remember in the Wilderness when it was just him and the Love of my life (who I need to get to know better and pay attention to more). Yeah...remember when he tried to get Jesus to believing that he could give Him (who is the Son of God, heck, who is God himself who owns it all!) the world (Matthew 4). Huh? Like what? Really? That Satan gots some you know what. Again, Satan trying to deceive us into thinking God can't be trusted and obeyed b/c he isn't able to give us more than God has already given us. Bullocks! So...here I am...trying do things differently now.I just want to say that I am so grateful for God's persistence and him being relentless at me. Honestly. I have been angry at him these past few days...weeks...years (possibly), that I haven't taken the time to see that he's not my enemy. That besides Satan, I am my own worst enemy and that I have been the one that is getting in the way of all that He has for me. He loonnnnngs to care for us. He wants us as his Bride to let Him who is our Bridegroom to just pour his love and care out all over us. Now...when I want what I want (which is a limited human perspective), then this love and care he wants to pour out all over me seems to be at certain times awful! (Strange huh? Divine love and care being awful.) But lets be honest, what I want sometimes is like baby food compared to the incredibly exquisite feast God has prepared for me His bride (Ps. 23). I am grateful for the people who have been showing me that I have been eating the baby food vs. God's feast. So grateful.... Sometimes life is going to get you down. It'll confuse you, hurt you and at times, it'll make you feel like you're going through Hell. Winston Churchill stated, "If you're going through Hell, keep going." I want to add to that, "...keep going...and keep speaking God's promises for the journey." So...if you're going through Hell, you GOTTA douse your brain with God's promises from His word, so when you're traveling through Hell and Satan decides to be your travel companion, you can expose his lies with God's loving and caring truths! Believe in God and His truths. We can trust and obey him and in doing that, we get to sit back and let His truths change our lives.