Back to the Drawing Board

It is incredible how much one can learn about oneself in one day. Just yesterday, I had yet another snafoo happen to me at work. Yet another circumstance that for all too long caused my anxiety to go from 1-8. I was even so bold to question God as to what he was going to be able to do to fix it. (Bold and extremely insulting to Him, no?) Finally, after pacing back and forth for ten mins, I said to myself "Enough!! I am no longer going to look at every circumstance as negative-shoot, I'm not even going to look at the negative circumstances of life as negative but I'm going to find the positive in the negative." So, what did I do? I made a list of all the positives. I did not even think about all the negatives, ONLY the positives. Let me tell you, that right there was life-changing. Some things on my list are as follows, 1. I will not lose my job over this 2. No body was hurt, and no body died (these are always good things to happen when pertaining to my circumstances) 3. Jesus loves me still. 4. I know when to admit I've made a mistake and strive to rectify it. Those were just some of the few (but few is a good number) of positives that resulted in a negative situation. So, I'd encourage you, when negative situation presents itself, get out a piece of paper (any size, color, shape, whatever!) and writing utensil and force yourself to see the positive in it. Doing this is better than Xanax---and non habit forming (well, you might get addicted to seeing the positive which is good) and cheaper! So, feel free to let me know how that goes for you:) Also, I would like to note, that God DID indeed do something about it. Later that morning, my District Manager called to let me know that the situation was not a big deal and that my followup about the mistake was handled beautifully. My God and King, how gracious you are....Forgive me for my insulting spirit. The previous situation, big lesson transforming the mind and allowing God's character to change my perspective. Loving it. That was the first thing. Now I have a second thing! Re-dreaming, reconstructing, thinking about what I want in this life-but most importantly what God has placed in my heart to want. Discerning what that looks like exactly takes time and energy and prayer. All worth it. SO, today I woke up and started thinking about many things, one of which was my future husband, among other things. For those of you who don't know me entirely well, I have dreamed about my future husband since I was 14.Ha granted for the past five yrs, my dreams were more like nightmares. Seriously, I warded off marriage like the plague! But before those yrs, I have read books like, "When God Writes Your Love Story"; "The Bride Wore White"; "The Book of Romance"; all of Karen Kingsbury's Bailey Flanigan stories....I am doused in those ideas of how I want my earthly love story to look like. All the while, I know that I need to continue to allow God mold my love story all the more. So, this morning, I got up and brought to my thoughts was a note I had written back in February on Facebook. I want to share it with you. It has got me thinking about a few things. It got me thinking again about what characteristics I want my husband to possess and for sometime, I have stopped praying for God to fostered these characteristics in him now. I would also like to note that I am praying that these characteristics continued to be fostered within the man I am currently dating, and finally, praying for God to continue to foster these characteristics in my life. Essentially, I've been thinking about God's Will and discerning as to what that might look like in the different facets of my life. I am learning everyday moreso who God has created me to be and strive to fit that into what Christ looks like through who he has created me to be. I know lately, I haven't been too Christ-like and frankly, that makes me quite brokenhearted. I use to be so "on-point" and steady and fixed on all that is Christ...and ever since Seminary has been over---this slow drifting has crept in. But today is a new day, amen?! So,this is me and who I am-I dream and dream big when it has come to my earthly "love story". My note: Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 12:04pm · I think my favorite part of the day is my morning devotions. There is just something about the stillness of my apartment and the beauty of the morning sun dripping through the windows that takes me to the heavenly throne room of My King. Today was different for me. It was different because today my heart that is usually very, very (did I mention very?) content about being single, began to re-dream. Re-dream of what I desire my future spouse to be like. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I've thought of what I am looking for (ask my family. They are praying earnestly that I at least begin to entertain the thought of marriage. Ha. I tell them they and my friends are enough. But still, they don't want me to be alone. I do love them.). So, with Valentine's Day up ahead, even though I do not have my earthly love this year as my Valentine, I will decide to take sometime to dream about him. Cheesy? Sure. Satisfying to the heart? Actually...most definitely. Why satisfying? As a single woman closer to 30 than 20, I find that doing this keeps me looking forward with hope and fulfillment over that of hopelessness and emptiness wrought by the lack of him in my life. I know that God has an amazing plan (marriage or not). One that I believe is phenomenal, and I trust Him to bring about that which is good and right in my life, and maybe in that of my future husband's life. (And I choose to dream over sulking. Sulking is un-productive. Dreaming is not. Dream people, dream!) The following attributes, while I was writing them, made me think of a couple things. 1. There are many of these attributes I need to develop in my life (like 50+% of them) and 2. Jesus Christ, my First Love, possess all of these! He lacks not one! Thanks be to God, I have Jesus. So, without further adue, here is my heart and these are my dreams for the man I will hopefully call my husband: Caring; compassionate; quick to listen slow to speak; intuitive; thoughtful; consistent with his words and actions; man of his word; reliable; faithful; promise keeper; un-worldly; modest in speech and in act; humble; strong; not quick to rush sweet moments; mindful; passionate; adventerous; funny; lovely; the truest sense of a man; spoken highly of; trustworthy; a good friend to me and o/s; resent-less; forgiving; patient as the day is long; calm; wise; pure in action and thought; servant leader; a good father; goes deep with God; strong and deep faith; playful; challenges me to make me better; active; innovative; sweet; likealbe; truthful but not hurtful; not spiteful; bold when necessary; not controlling; gracious; man of prayer; lover of Scripture; encouraging; self-less; restorative; non-judgemental; doer of the Word; wise with finances; passionately pursues Christ daily; lives with conviction; loves Jesus more than me; family man; is on board with having the Love story worth talking about years after we've left this world; desires to make me fall in love with him all over again each and every day; responds over reacting; sanctifies me daily with Christ; takes time for the important things... {END NOTE} So, family and friends, there you have it. Striving to be more like these so that I am a better woman for those surrounding me and also for my husband someday-but especially so that I represent my First Love as best I can because in the end, he is the only One I want to impress. May our lives depict these characteristics so that we can have our lives and our world transformed. Have an incredible day!